Walls: Brick and Otherwise

I have always subscribed to the Roman philosopher Seneca’s quote that, “Luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity.” 

With that being said, however,  a recent conversation with a friend about ‘tipping point’ moments in one’s life, made me recognize that one of those moments, for me, came about and at the time when, while the opportunity was there, I am pretty sure that my preparation did not fully accompany it.

And while I have always related to the sentiment, it was not until I read Randy Pausch’s The Last Lecture that I had the exact motto for how I viewed barriers and obstacles in my life.  Mr. Pausch articulated it best when he stated, “Brick walls are there for a reason – they are not there to keep us out, they are there to give us a chance to show how badly we want something.”

And while I am always a bit embarrassed with I relate this story, as there is a very, shall we say, cheesy moment, it was very defining for me personally.

So let me set up the scenario.  Back in the late 90’s, I was researching the Ewing Marian Kauffman Foundation’s annual report, trying to figure out a way to approach them for funding for First Nations.  One of the items in the report was a profile of the inaugural class of Kauffman Fellows.  The Kauffman Fellows was a program where the foundation was taking young folks and placing them with a venture capital firm for two years, in essence for these ‘lucky’ individuals to be mentored into the venture capital business by folks who had spent their entire lives in the industry, a very real opportunity to learn at the feet of a master.  Intrigued, I called the individual profiled, and she shared with me that it was the most incredible experience of her life and that I should take the chance and apply. 

Now later on, when I was talking to one of the folks running the program, she laughingly told me that those who applied where either really confident, bordering on arrogant, or terribly naïve – put me down (at least at that time in my life) for the latter.  And despite my naiveté, I was able to convince folks throughout the three-stage interview process that led to the final selection event, that my real-world experience in working for an Indian nonprofit, was every bit as relevant as the other candidates there and their Ivy League business school résumés.  And the last event . . .

The last event was cut-throat, competitive and corporate America at its finest.  The process brought in the 24 finalist candidates, and 12 venture capital firms.  Yep, you guessed it, there would be 12 winners, and the other 12 of us would go home with the ‘Jeopardy home game’, ‘thanks for playing’ consolation prize.  So for the entire weekend, we were sequestered in a hotel in Kansas City, where we were to convince one of the 12 firms that they should choose us to spend the next two years with them.  It was like a huge cocktail party and student body popularity contest rolled into one.  And as a card carrying introvert, I don’t think I could have assembled a worst nightmare.

Even today, I can hear the lyrics to Kansas’ “The Wall” playing in my head:

“The path that I have chosen now
Has led me to a wall.
It rises now before me,
A dark and silent barrier between,
All I am, and all that I would ever want to be,
It’s just a travesty.”

The very first event, after the orientation, was a dreaded cocktail party – my personal hell.  I remember vividly, even today, stepping off the elevator and walking up to the party in complete horror.  And I turned around and went back to the elevator and pushed the button to go back to my room.  I decided then and there that this was not for me.  Again the words to Kansas’ song:

“To pass beyond is what I seek
I fear that I may be too weak
And those are few who seen it
Through to glimpse the other side.”

The rationalization . . . “Hey, I’m out of my league.”  “You know, for a guy with an MBA from the University of Washington, I’m not supposed to be here.”  And there were many, many more.

And as I am walking down the hall to my room; back to my room to pack and head home, because I just couldn’t do this, it happens.  [Fair warning, here comes the really cheesy part]  I get this visual in my head.  It’s that scene at the end of the movie Top Gun where Tom Cruise is refusing to engage in the firefight.  And over and over all his superiors are shouting into the radio, “Engage Maverick.” 

I realized that this was one of those ‘show how badly you want something moments.’  And I turned around and went back down the elevator, and fumbled my way through the first cocktail party and the next, and then the entire weekend.  And in the end I landed a two-year fellowship that has changed my life dramatically.  But most importantly, it was my facing my fears that weekend that changed my life.

Queue up that Kansas music for the soundtrack again:

“And though it’s always been with me,
I must tear down the Wall and let it be
All I am, and all that I was ever meant to be, in harmony.”

You see, I was totally unprepared for the opportunity that was placed before me on that weekend in Kansas City.  I had always compensated for my shyness and wrapped myself in my unwillingness to interact, and had survived.  But that weekend in Kansas City opened my eyes to how unprepared I was, especially when I realized at that moment how much I really wanted that fellowship.

I will leave you with these questions … Are you lucky? Will you be prepared when opportunity presents itself?  What should you be working on now, that you know if you neglect may trip you up in the future?  Will you “Engage Maverick?”

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